We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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