Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
