if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
