I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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