I look better un-naked...
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I want a musical about memes.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
