we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
