I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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