Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
