my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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