he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Semen is not good for contacts.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
