and you said cock pushups were impossible
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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