It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
