After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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