Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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