that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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