im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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