She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
