Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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