So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
