just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
