oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
