is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
