i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
