Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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