perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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