just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
