Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
