Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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