I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
