just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
