How'd it feel making her break her religion?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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