drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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