she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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