She said her name was "party"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
she pinky promised me she was 18
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
