I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
