I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
