the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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