its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
