My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
