Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
