ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
