I look better un-naked...
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
