Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
nutella sex= disaster
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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