I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
