No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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