omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
