Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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