Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I would fuck him just for his dog
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
