best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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