I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
