the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
