i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
