is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
